A Little Thinking Time [Jeff/Ellie]

Ellie sat on the sand bringing her knees up to her chest as she watched the waves move slowly. It was comforting for her, to sit on the beach at one in the morning. No one knew that she was ever there, it was her own little thinking spot. A place where she could clear her mind a bit and get away from the real world for a while. She sighed thinking about her recent issues with her miscarriage and Katie's rape. She still blamed herself for it, even if everyone said she was not to blame. Staring out in the ocean, in her own little world, she didn't hear when Jeff came by.

Jeff had been out on the beach for a walk. He was just thinking about the wedding and about Katie and about everything going on. He managed to wander off quite a bit and then stumbled upon his baby sister. "Ellie?" he asked as he approached.

She looked up, a bit surprised.

"Oh. Hey Jeff." she smiled.

"What are you doing out so late?"

"A little bit of thinking...what abbout you?" he asked, sitting next to her.

She shrugs.

"The same. You can tell we are definitely related then." she joked.

He smiled. "Hey...great minds think alike~"

"They certainly do." she said leaning back on her palms.

"How are things with you? Like the wedding and all that."

"Good...Candice is a little stressed but I'm doing my best to calm her down mainly." he chuckled.

"How are you doing?" he asked softly.

"Oh, I'm fine, don't worry about me." she shrugs.

"that's like telling water not to be wet." he winked.

"So what's up? What are you thinking about?"

She sighs.

"You know me to well."

"Damn right...now spill." he said smiling.

She chuckles a bit, before thinking.

"Jeff? Do you think it's wrong of me to blame myself for everything?"

"What are you blaming yourself about?" he asked arching his eyebrow.

She leaned back up again, hugging her knees and resting her head on top of them.

"Everything. For Katie being raped and for losing my baby. I was so stupid, I couldn't even protect them from being hurt. I let it happen, I didn't fight back enough." she said quietly.

"Ellie." he said surprised.

"None of that was your fault. It was Stacy's...how could you have known what they would do and how far they wold go?" he asked.

She simply shrugs.

"I just-" she paused.

"I shouldn't have left my room. If I had stayed, they wouldn't have done anything." she said using her index finger to draw in the sand.

"How do you know that for sure? They were in the house...they would have gotten to you both anyway...and it wouldn't have stopped them from kickin you or taking Katie." he said shuddering a bit.

"We could have left. Climb out a window or something but no, my idiotic self has to go downstairs and check on the noise."

"ellie you didn't know who it was that came in or what the noise was from." he told her.

"I know Jeff, I just...I can't help but feel responsible for it. No matter how many times I've heard people say it's not my fault, there's always that guilt." she said wiping away a tear.

"I really wanted that baby too." she smiled.

"I had the room all set up and the name picked out and everything."

"Well what's stopping you from still having a baby? You're gonna just have to wait a little bit." he smiled.

She chuckles.

"It's not so simple. I mean that was going to be my first born child. If I have another one, I don't know, it wouldn't seem right to me. I don't think I can replace my first born." she looked over at him.

"Just nevermind, I know that made no sense."

"No it makes sense." he said softly.

"But you can't do anything about it...and you loved that baby, that was the important part."

"I really did." she smiled as she sniffled a bit.

"Sorry, I know this is the last thing you wanted to talk about. You've already got enough on your plate."